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Cake day: April 3rd, 2025

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  • Sauron Denies Request for Contract Information

    Reading a prepared statement from the tower of Barad-dûr, the Mouth of Sauron indicated today that the Dark Lord would not be complying with the demands of lawmakers to provide information on its contracts with the Trump Administration. The Messenger of Mordor further called the demands “ridiculous” and “unnecessary government intrusion into private affairs of Sauron, who does not answer to any higher authority, save that of his fallen master Morgoth.” Furthermore, the statement chastised the lawmakers for contacting Sauron through the Palantir, which he described as “an illegal privacy breach,” and said he planned to seek legal action for this invasion of his personal communications.